A Small Confession

I’d like to share an experience about this one time I misused my abilities. I’ve only told one person in the entire world about this.

In my book I described learning a veritable encyclopedia of meditation techniques from different sources. Sources like friends who were into the occult, books describing religious asceticism or mysticism, various martial art teachers who favored this practice or that one.

During my early twenties, I was poor. I did hard work to pay the bills. Most of my spare money was budgeted to buying books, seminars, private lessons and videos from a variety of internal martial arts instructors.

Because of my financial situation, I feared I would never be able to afford to become a student-teacher to one of  main teachers. His training was marketed to a demographic with a lot more disposable income than I could possibly achieve at that time in my life.

My goal was to get as good at meditation and internal martial arts as I could, which necessitated that I put any ideas about family, college, or financial earning careers out of my mind in order to pursue my dream. Any of those things would be distractions I did not want on my time back then.

During the last meditation retreat that I attended with one of my main teachers, I decided that my training, my evolution, and my progress dictated that I truly use all my abilities while I was there. The economy was starting to slip and slide at the time, and one of the reasons I had time to go to retreats was due to a business slump which enabled me to take time off from work without adding much work for the other employees of our small workshop.

So it was, that on the third or fourth day of the retreat, I took the opportunity to sit close to our teacher. For the duration of the day, I phased my chi very subtly, into his energy matrix. Like a tiny spider, I built a net, a grid, of trip lines inside him. Then I sat very, very, very still.

What happened is that, as we practiced, he transmitted his chi on various wavelengths. As he did so, he scribed his energy patterns onto my grid-lines, much like an earthquake causes pens to write down zigs and zags on a seismometer, or like a laser codes a compact disc or dvd.

This web that I wove inside him, I created by first, opening a gate inside my being. A shadow gate without ripples. I then folded space inside that gate, like folding an interior pocket inside a coat or a jacket. I made the destination opening for this space-fold, his central channel. I then slipped gently from my space, into his space. I materialized like a mist or smoke. Very softly, so as not to disturb his chi field. I grew my presence inside him, one micron at a time in the shape of a neuron or a spider.

For the next two days, I kept that mind-intention-shape inside him. He gave me a copy of the content of his mind, heart, and lower dan tien, because I set up my dark energy web clusters in his upper, middle, and lower dan tiens. This means I acquired his teachers energy patterns, as well. Since then, my internal presence, my own spiraling chi body has grown and mutated.

When I started studying Chen style tai ji, I focused on the movements of Masters Feng, Hong, Joseph Chen, Lei Mu Ni, Yang Wen Hu, and Chen Yu.

I have practiced Chen style with different “flavors” by trying out variations of movements like Brush Knee Twist Step, and Waving Hands Like The Clouds that I have been taught in person, or observed in various videos of masters at practice.

In the last six months, something wonderful has grown inside me and begun to express itself in my form. The combination of Ba Gua power training, mixed with countless Feng and Hong Yilu repetition has unlocked a whirlwind inside of me, and my hands and feet quite literally snap the air and shake the sidewalk.

I look forward to demonstrating my taiji, for anyone who wants to see this spiraling vortex for themselves.

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About Jane

Ms. Alexander. author, activist, artist
This entry was posted in internal boxing classics, taijiquan and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to A Small Confession

  1. dhyvd says:

    Do you seriously consider this to be a “mis-use” of powers and capabilities? Because it seems like a great way to speed up learning… and I’ve often used a similar technique when learning from books. Of course, books aren’t alive even if their authors once were…. but still, seems like no harm, no foul, to me.

    • Jane says:

      Perhaps you are right. These days I feel like my moral compass is more accurate or attuned then ever.

      Given that this occured about fifteen years ago, and that I was able to achieve book-worthy results with the training I absorbed from him, I feel fairly confident it was a good descision.

      I don’t have any remorse or self-doubt over it, or any guilty feelings begging to be absolved…so.

      Thanks.

      • dhyvd says:

        You are welcome. It is good to be ethical but sometimes rules are imposed which aren’t ethical… you hit on the point there about remorse and self-doubt… it is good to reflect on actions but if the world is made better then we shouldn’t have any remorse, and improving our skills makes the world better since we are part of it! Being unfair to ourselves is so common nowadays, I think it contributes to the general ineffectiveness at achieving happiness, although maybe only in a minor way, minor things accumulate over time.

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